Delirium Final

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The Not So Great Escape

I escaped a few weeks ago and I'm more confused than ever. I'm sure A is dead. The last memory I have of him is being covered in blood and surrounded by regulators. He promised he was going to be right behind me while I was climbing over the fence, but he lied. He didn't even try to get over with me.  His idea to crash the motorcycle into the fence to de-electrify it was genius.

I'm living at one of the homesteads now. I feel like I don't belong; here, in Portland, or anywhere. Not without A. In time, I'm hoping to find my mother. I know she's out here somewhere. I am still blown away by how different everything is. I was always taught that the Invalids didn't exist and that there was nothing in the Wilds. Now that I'm here, I know better. Unfortunately the programming, I'm convinced it was programming now, I went through for my entire life just won't disappear right away. I still feel a nagging to defend the "cureds." They're going to plant me inside another regulated area sometime soon. Without the fake cure mark under my left ear, my life will be very similar to before... Or so they say. I guess for now life is to be continued....

Family Betrayal

After 12 years of believing my mother was dead, I found out today that she has been locked in the Crypts. I am completely devastated and feel like I may just beat the lies out of my Aunt. The song I posted is illegal, but it describes how I'm feeling exactly plus the music sounds angry (which is perfect). This discovery all came about after I broke down in front of A. I've never done that so badly before and I started spilling my guts about my mom and why I can't be like her. A apparently has his own secrets, but he's never really shared them with me before yesterday. We're much more alike than I ever could have imagined. Anyway, he took me to the Crypts to show me the person he thought was my mom. He had to talk us in because the sympathizer that used to be there was locked in that awful place. Knowing how those people are treated from experience, he must be terrified! I know I was just walking in... I could barely function. When we got to the cell she was supposed to be in, we found that she was the one the guard was telling us about; the one who had escaped. She didn't come to find me, I still don't understand that. I get that she wants me to be safe, but there are ways she could have come to me without being discovered. A and I do it all the time. I've decided I'm going to run away with A in 9 days. That will make it 9 days before I'm supposed to get the cure. I can barely stand to be in the same house as my lying Aunt and Uncle. I know they knew what happened to my mom, but they let me believe she was dead all these years. I'll never be able to forgive them for this. I just wish I could take G and H with me... too bad it's too dangerous.

~L

The Wilds

A took me to the Wilds last night. It was terrifying and exciting all at the same time. It's beautiful there. There are no fences, no confinement and more stars than I've ever seen in my life. This picture is a lot what it looked like last night when A and I were watching the stars through his convertible home in the Wilds. It was unbelievable!

I wish we could have stayed there. We were there while everyone was asleep, but there is a whole different atmosphere. I just know A and I wouldn't have had to worry about being seen together. In Portland, spending so much time together is questionable. I no longer want to be cured. I have been looking forward to it for most of my life, but A has changed all that. I have no idea what I'm going to do when my day comes. Thirty days and counting...

~{@ L

Lies, Lies, Lies

All my life, I have lived behind a fence strikingly similar to this one. I have always believed it to be for the protection of everyone in Portland, but I don't know if I believe that anymore. I've met someone named A who has turned my world upside down. The more I get to know him, the more I learn that all is not as it seems. A has told me some secrets about all this restriction and I'm doubting everything I have been taught since I moved in with my Aunt C. The "L" word is forbidden, even thinking it can be dangerous. I remember what it feels like to be loved and love someone. My mother was one of the few that the cure didn't work on. She always showed my sister and I what it was like to be happy and loved. I miss her everyday. Until recently, I was always terrified that I would become her and that the disease was genetic. I know now it's not something you "catch" but something that catches you. I am uncured and in love. If this is what the disease feels like, I never want to be cured. My day is coming up faster than I planned, or so it seems. Time seems distorted now that I have A. Sixty days and counting...

~{@ L